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Joan of Arc Leads an Army (feat. Vanessa Hudgens) – Drunk History


Hello.
I’m Hillary Anne Matthews, and today, we’re going
to talk about Joan of Arc. Our story begins in France, in the year 1412. The Hundred Years’ War
is raging in Europe in between France and England. So Joan of Arc
was a peasant girl. She’s 13 years old,
she’s in a field, but then, all of a sudden,
she hears voices. We have a mission for you. And she was like…
[squeaking] What? [normally]
Who even are you guys? And they were like,
I’m St. Michael, I’m St. Margaret, and I’m St. Catherine, and they’re like, all we want is
for you to go to church and just, like, be cool
and chill and obedient. She’s like, that’s it? And they’re like,
yeah, that’s it. The King of France
was King Charles VI. People around him get him
to sign a peace treaty that will end
the Hundred Years’ War. He has a son,
also named Charles– Charles of Valois– also called “the Dauphin.” So when his father signed this peace treaty, it was disinheriting him
from the throne. [dramatic music] Gosh darn it! – It’s just one little drop. – It’s been happening
this whole time. – [chuckles] – Okay. So, Joan is now
a 16-year-old girl in a 16– [fly buzzes] In a 16-year-old world and these voices,
they’re like, hey, girl, you need
to lead France to victory and get Charles Valois crowned as the rightful
King of France, and she was like, ha!
You guys! That’s not what you told me
the first time, you guys. They’re like, you need to go
to this lord gentleman named Baudricourt. He’s gonna help you
get Charles crowned. Then she runs away from home to Lord Baudricourt. She arrives, and Joan’s like,
hello, I am Joan, and I am here because v–saints talked to me
in my head and it is God’s will
to have Charles of Valois crowned the rightful
King of France. Lord Baudricourt
is straight-up like, [spoken as teenage girl]
Get this crazy girl back to her home, but like then,
what happens is that she gets, kind of like,
a following. People have heard
about Joan of Arc, and they are on board. Lord Baudricourt is like, okay, well, actually,
we can work with this, and Joan’s like, cut off my hair
and dress me in men’s clothes so I don’t get raped,
and he’s like, okay. Because it was
really dangerous ’cause she’s a woman. Ugh. God, the Middle Ages. I’m glad we’re not in them. – Amen. – Too harsh to women, and the breath was bad.
– [chuckles] – So they arrive at Chinon,
and Charles of Valois is like, um, wait, who’s here? And they’re like,
a 16-year-old girl who hears the voices
of saints, and he’s like,
okay, you know what? Here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna put on
this big goofy mustache and this big floppy hat and I’m gonna trick her and I’m gonna see
if she knows what’s up. And so, he’s just, like, [goofy voice]
I’m just a courtier, I’m just
a regular old courtier, and she walks in,
and she’s like… [sighs]
You’re Charles of Valois. You are my rightful king. He’s like, wow. [claps slowly] – Slow clap. – He slow claps her. Can you believe
that he slow claps her? – The first slow clap. – Yeah, it was
the first slow clap. And so, he’s like,
great! Because we want
the same thing, which is for me
to be King of France. So Joan was like, okay, dude,
give me an army. I want that army.
Ooh, give me that army! And he’s like,
okay, guess what? Army bestowed. [triumphant music] She sets out with this army
to Orleans. So they get there and they were like,
okay, here’s what’s up. We have to strategize. We have to think
about this logically. We have to make plans,
and Joan was like, Guess the [bleep] what? No! We got to just go for it,
you guys! Only ’cause God
wants us to do it. and they’re like,
oh, my gosh, God? Yeah, he’s the tops. We are going to just freaking… Ugh. I hate it when
people say “freaking.” – Then say it differently. – So then they just [bleep] go for it and they are like,
attacking and attacking, and attacking the English, and Joan is in
the thick of it, and she is not shying away, and then thwup! She gets hit in the shoulder
with an arrow. But here’s what’s amazing:
the English surrender, and they’re like, fine!
White handkerchief. White handkerchief. – You do “handkercheef”
instead of “handkerchif.” – Yes. Handkercheef.
– Hm. – Handkerchief. Yeah, I do.
– Okay. – And everyone’s like,
we did it! And we did it
because Joan of Arc led us to this point! [triumphant music] Charles of Valois,
the Dauphin, is crowned King of France and everyone’s like, yay. [quietly clapping] – [laughs] – Then, Charles of Valois
is like, now I want you to go to Paris
and take Paris. She’s like, cool, I’ll do it! So Joan goes to Paris and she shoots
a bunch of arrows Waa! [makes popping noise]
Waa! [makes popping noise] But in the midst
of this battle, Joan is captured,
and they’re like, we got you!
Ooh, did we ever get you! You are marins wen’s clo– You are wearing men’s clothes,
and now, girlfriend, that means you got
to be burned at the stake, and she’s like, [bleep]. Joan of Arc, 19 years old,
is put onto a wooden stake, and then, um,
they light it on fire. Phew! And then she starts
calling out for her saints, and she’s like,
St. Michael, the big kahuna of saints,
St. Michael! St. Margaret! Okay, St. Catherine! St. Catherine,
St. Margaret, St. Catherine,
St. Michael, St. Margaret, St. Catherine! It’s like, cricket,
cricket, cricket, and everybody’s just watching
this 19-year-old woman just get burnt alive
at the stake. So then Joan–she dies. The end. Is it redundant
to believe in your own beliefs? I don’t care,
and neither did Joan. Here’s the thing
about 17-year-olds. At that time: standing in a field,
blinking. At this time: looking at Instagram,
blinking. Joan of Arc: leading an army! – [chuckles] – I’m not saying
you need to aspire to more, but, like,
maybe aspire to more. Like, maybe lead an army
or two or one or two.

Tony wyaad

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100 COMMENTS

  1. Ken Olbinado Posted on August 21, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    "The dauphin"…. funny ass hell. The acting made the voice funnier.

    Reply
  2. martialme84 Posted on August 21, 2019 at 7:36 pm

    Vanessa Hudgens may very well be a good actress, but a 13 year old person, she can play not.

    Reply
  3. martialme84 Posted on August 21, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    02:44 "too harsh for women"? Bitch, whaaaa?
    Because it was a breeze for all men, was it?
    Jesus christ… -.-

    Reply
  4. Albert Normal Posted on August 21, 2019 at 8:21 pm

    GET EM!!!!!!!!

    Reply
  5. Fernando Amador Posted on August 22, 2019 at 12:55 am

    Saints didnt say anything about a parris war…..

    Reply
  6. Vattice Posted on August 22, 2019 at 7:09 am

    This bitch sucks at pretending to be drunk.

    Reply
  7. Gacha Random Posted on August 22, 2019 at 12:59 pm

    When you thought the girl was gonna get kicked out of the building but it’s France and not the USA..

    Reply
  8. Capricorn Sweetheart Posted on August 22, 2019 at 5:26 pm

    Education would not to feel like a torture chore if it was like this…they should put a couple of cocktails in the teachers lounge jk jk😂😂😂😂

    Reply
  9. Saim Ali Shahid Posted on August 22, 2019 at 6:58 pm

    GET EM!!!!!!!

    Reply
  10. ZaphGaming Posted on August 23, 2019 at 6:15 am

    The music is giving me flashbacks of Jeanne d'Arc (psp). ❤

    Reply
  11. pekkalaa Posted on August 23, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    Again rapy man shouldnt be in this show

    Reply
  12. Jamie Coleman Posted on August 23, 2019 at 5:58 pm

    Joan of arc just didn’t know when to quit quit when you’re ahead going to Paris bad idea

    Reply
  13. SandyRiverBlue Posted on August 23, 2019 at 9:30 pm

    Kinda disappointed that I didn't get to see Vanessa Hudgens' get drunk. That would have been a treat. Unfortunately, it was a Feat. Still kinda neat. 😛

    Reply
  14. BlIlIlIlID Posted on August 23, 2019 at 11:25 pm

    Reason not to believe in Christian, it's a death trap.

    Reply
  15. Lochricolife Posted on August 24, 2019 at 3:44 am

    Joan was a bad chic

    Reply
  16. The Rock Posted on August 24, 2019 at 3:54 am

    This reminded my why I loved Vanessa Hudgens

    Reply
  17. Nikki Rockz Posted on August 24, 2019 at 7:52 am

    #RestInPeaceLeJoaN!!!

    Reply
  18. River Bound Posted on August 24, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    6:30 The tongue!

    Reply
  19. Dan Saucedo Posted on August 25, 2019 at 1:12 am

    0:52 guy has wristwatch in the year 1412

    Reply
  20. Clever name Right here Posted on August 25, 2019 at 5:06 am

    She’s like that girl that you talk to in college and your like “huh…that was fun” and then you talk as little as possible cause she always devours your whiskey.

    Reply
  21. Cassuttus Tshirt Posted on August 25, 2019 at 8:24 am

    Because I'm a medieval history nerd, I gotta throw this in there. Joan of Arc never carried a weapon, or killed anybody. She felt she was the chosen of god, so she stuck to the ten commandments, including 'thou shall not kill'. She indeed dressed in full armor and was on the front lines, but she carried a banner and would ride around, rallying troops and giving them encouragement, or giving orders. Even if she'd been willing to kill, she'd have been smart enough to not get stuck in. She had a keen military mind, and knew she was not just the leader of the army, but it's very heart and soul. She'd order others to kill, but would herself refuse to kill. At least, that is what is currently believed by historians, which is backed up by the few contemperary accounts from that time.

    Reply
  22. bob hope Posted on August 25, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    Who's Hillary Anne Mathews?

    Reply
  23. Antony García Posted on August 25, 2019 at 6:06 pm

    I always laugh so hard with this stories 🤣🤣🤣🤣

    Reply
  24. Young Won Posted on August 25, 2019 at 8:35 pm

    Originally I thought Drunk History was about how drunk people made history or how drunk people were while historical events…

    Reply
  25. Scott Smith Posted on August 25, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    Is it redundant to believe in your beliefs…I don't think so.

    Reply
  26. Mervyn Thorne Posted on August 26, 2019 at 3:36 am

    I now see why the English Don't Like the French…That King‼️😒

    Reply
  27. Mervyn Thorne Posted on August 26, 2019 at 3:39 am

    But Joan of Arc was Cute 😅

    Reply
  28. unapologetically Wacc Posted on August 26, 2019 at 3:42 am

    Sounds like them angels set ha ass up

    Reply
  29. Salty Medpac Posted on August 26, 2019 at 10:00 pm

    Cut off my hair and get me some mens clothes so i dont get raped?! OH ok, just spilled my tea all over muh self.

    Reply
  30. miathapapaya Posted on August 27, 2019 at 12:18 am

    Drunk girl VOLUME AT 200%

    Reply
  31. Reag C Posted on August 27, 2019 at 12:55 am

    And now I know how Joan of Arc felt, now I know how Joan of arc felt..

    Reply
  32. Alize Avila Posted on August 27, 2019 at 11:36 pm

    ive learned more with drunk history than any history class

    Reply
  33. JMJ Posted on August 28, 2019 at 12:28 am

    “Cricket cricket cricket”

    – Crickets 2019

    Reply
  34. F.E. Style Posted on August 28, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    vanessa is an amazing actress. her expressions just comes aliveeee

    Reply
  35. Rob C Posted on August 29, 2019 at 12:09 am

    People back in the dark ages are all cannibals, that's why they be roasting people on a vertical spit all the time.

    Reply
  36. Dick Johnson Posted on August 29, 2019 at 2:51 am

    3:43 HAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

    Reply
  37. joy jones Posted on August 29, 2019 at 4:12 am

    Uhhh, god the middel ages!

    Reply
  38. RJ Onyx Moonshadow, The Spiritual Cosmologist Posted on August 29, 2019 at 7:30 am

    I was waiting for a "Bill & Ted" reference.

    RJ

    Reply
  39. INTROVERT OMEGA Posted on August 29, 2019 at 11:13 am

    We're gonna talk about Jonah Vark.

    Reply
  40. Best Lee Sin NA Posted on August 31, 2019 at 10:12 pm

    Well if God and all that was real, she died because she did what Charles of Valois wanted her to do and not the Saints. The Saints only told her to get him crowned. They didn't tell her to march on Paris.

    Reply
  41. Nathaniel Barraza Posted on September 1, 2019 at 8:08 am

    Forgot the part where the only thing left is her guts (the fire was hot enough to burn the bones though) so they have a guy toss it in a river and swear to never speak of it…he spoke of it. she’s a saint because that was a miracle along with winning that victory.

    Reply
  42. ginger wilson Posted on September 2, 2019 at 3:32 am

    She make jone off ark souds like a crazy bich

    Reply
  43. R Fox Posted on September 3, 2019 at 10:59 pm

    Those weren't her last words

    Reply
  44. lottie biggs.x.x Posted on September 4, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    Not to be a but hurt but the English left her nuked in a jail cell with men’s clothes and she put them on (it’s cold cause it england ** maybe )and they said she was a witch

    Reply
  45. Peyton DiGregory Posted on September 4, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    Joan of arc never actually fought in a battle

    Reply
  46. David Canelas Posted on September 5, 2019 at 2:23 am

    Too bad Joan of Arc wasn't black

    Reply
  47. davidvdbergen Posted on September 5, 2019 at 7:51 pm

    too bad she's not drunk

    Reply
  48. Nephast Gweiz Posted on September 6, 2019 at 9:48 am

    At least use a white actress to represent a white historical figure…

    Reply
  49. Lord Revan Posted on September 7, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    Or:

    The story of how a schizophrenic Frenchwoman starts a rebellion.

    Reply
  50. Gizzmose2002 Posted on September 7, 2019 at 11:51 pm

    so god uses a 16 year old girl to kill other humans… boy god is good huh….

    Reply
  51. Ashley Blanco Posted on September 8, 2019 at 5:05 am

    “GUESS THE F*** WHAT?!? NOOOO!!!!”

    Reply
  52. seraphic Posted on September 8, 2019 at 8:00 am

    😂his face when he says THE DAUPHIN

    Reply
  53. Aeltar Greycastle Posted on September 8, 2019 at 11:27 am

    Heresy. Joan D'Arc sustained Catholicism, so it could pass to Louisiana, and other places. She chose the life of a saint, u dummies. I'm not expecting y'all to agree. Just telling the truth.

    Reply
  54. chainfire Posted on September 8, 2019 at 4:10 pm

    This is the most millennial way to teach history lmao!
    Poor high school history teachers

    Reply
  55. Emily Pearce Posted on September 9, 2019 at 1:00 am

    Can someone please tell me the name of the actress who plays Saint Catherine? She looks so familiar and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t figure it out.

    Reply
  56. Theo Devlaminck Posted on September 10, 2019 at 1:50 am

    0:52 Nice watch lmao

    Reply
  57. Cailean Morrison Posted on September 10, 2019 at 10:09 am

    0:52 …guy before King Charles is wearing a wristwatch, is this guy a time traveler or what

    Reply
  58. Industrialist2015ofUk Posted on September 10, 2019 at 11:10 am

    So this Programme advocates the use of alcohol to the point of describing history, drunk?
    She's either a lightweight or bad acting!
    Shit, I'd do this show full time if I can drink and tell stories of another time. ⌚🍺😜

    Reply
  59. SweetStar1908 Posted on September 10, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    She was burned because the English king wanted it 🤷🏻‍♀️

    Reply
  60. Ruby Snow Posted on September 11, 2019 at 5:23 am

    "Quote from the sketch we all just watched because I don't have an original thought in my head".

    Reply
  61. Jyeoi Posted on September 11, 2019 at 7:08 am

    Ok here’s wats up aka Listen up foos

    Reply
  62. Jyeoi Posted on September 11, 2019 at 7:13 am

    U are wearing men’s clothes means u gotta be burnt at the stake. – wooo my Wife wears my clothes all the time. TIL the point I have nothing to wear but hers.

    Reply
  63. Kuivia Posted on September 11, 2019 at 1:24 pm

    man imagine having schizophrenia that leads you to win a battle

    Reply
  64. Yuki Terumi Posted on September 12, 2019 at 2:28 am

    "She's in the thick of it"….she wasn't but…okay.

    Reply
  65. Nathan Castillo Posted on September 13, 2019 at 10:34 am

    Man I wish everyone was as respectful at listening to stories as that dude lol

    Reply
  66. CommentCop Badge#666 Posted on September 13, 2019 at 12:11 pm

    This is the best one of all these Drunk History series. Hillary is a dope narrator. Vanessa's acting is dope. The producer guy is even packing some dope… Somebody check his pockets!
    Dope-itty dope dope.

    Reply
  67. Mr Shreker Posted on September 13, 2019 at 8:44 pm

    Wait Joan of Arc is half black?

    Reply
  68. Tora GuuMoonRyoung Posted on September 13, 2019 at 9:56 pm

    Morale of the story : Be a religious nutjob and get fucked in the ass!

    Reply
  69. Alvin the what? Posted on September 14, 2019 at 2:08 am

    I love her energy in telling Joan of Ark’s story

    Reply
  70. TRUNG MAI Posted on September 14, 2019 at 5:22 pm

    Well, the voices stopped talking to her after the king was crowned king

    Reply
  71. Kn1ght0Ren Posted on September 14, 2019 at 11:42 pm

    ugh…joan of arc…

    Reply
  72. Antoine Eric Posted on September 16, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    4:47 "The English surrender"… to the French

    Reply
  73. tenchima1 Posted on September 18, 2019 at 11:11 am

    So not funny that Vanessa

    Reply
  74. tenchima1 Posted on September 18, 2019 at 11:12 am

    What an annoying voice this Vanessa

    Reply
  75. Vlad Vampirelord Posted on September 19, 2019 at 12:54 pm

    Why do we need drunks to tell us history? Can we not have intelligent women in swimsuits do so?

    Reply
  76. TheLatinGQ Posted on September 19, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    'Is it redundant to believe in your own beliefs?'

    Reply
  77. Tyler Mcflyer Posted on September 20, 2019 at 10:43 pm

    1 year later: young teen women in Europe get raped constantly and little to nothing is done about it.

    Reply
  78. Anime Lover4life Posted on September 21, 2019 at 12:09 am

    *Sips tea

    That’s not what you told me the first time.

    Reply
  79. Cesar Maldonado Posted on September 21, 2019 at 5:45 am

    The thing I don't like about this show is that it is mostly acted and told by Jews. Jews are not white. Why are Jews appropriating white culture and history,
    ?

    Reply
  80. Gaitano Simiyu Posted on September 21, 2019 at 3:52 pm

    0:53 didn't know they had wrist watches in 1412 😂

    Reply
  81. Wu Lo Zhiro Posted on September 22, 2019 at 12:56 pm

    Jeanne D'arc!
    who the fuck is this Joan?

    Reply
  82. Abe Rafik Posted on September 24, 2019 at 9:08 pm

    We would of been installer traveling by now if we didn't have religion

    Reply
  83. Tyrese Roberts Posted on September 25, 2019 at 3:30 am

    They need to do this again but w guy fawkes

    Reply
  84. luhole Posted on September 25, 2019 at 3:47 pm

    I mean it’s good, but in my opinion she’s not drunk enough.

    Reply
  85. Daniel Papendieck Posted on September 26, 2019 at 12:20 pm

    1412: Joan
    2019: Greta 🔥

    Reply
  86. broceratops1337 Posted on September 27, 2019 at 2:23 am

    this story teller is so basic im impressed.

    Reply
  87. clutter4 Posted on September 27, 2019 at 2:32 am

    When i saw this i just finished watching extra credits on Joan of arc, and i was also watching gravity falls, and all i could ever think was Tyler Cutebiker.
    With that in mind, this is what i said throughout my day. "Get em, get em" but this is what i thought, " GET EM, GET EM… GOT IT!

    Reply
  88. Marshall Bishop Posted on September 27, 2019 at 7:43 am

    She was made a saint by the Catholic church. You kind of left that part out.

    Reply
  89. Apeksha Adhikari Posted on September 28, 2019 at 2:44 pm

    Greta thunberg is doing the same thing with climate change.

    Reply
  90. Claire Myers Posted on September 29, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    Wasnt Joan of ark blind?

    Reply
  91. its esozaaa Posted on September 30, 2019 at 4:30 am

    This is my favorite drunk history video. Also, you should do one on Rasputin

    Reply
  92. somethang Posted on September 30, 2019 at 6:38 am

    This is low key distespectful

    Reply
  93. Edward Gurley Posted on September 30, 2019 at 7:41 am

    Fuckin’ brilliant!!!
    1:38

    Reply
  94. babs Posted on September 30, 2019 at 9:12 am

    The plot of The King (2019)

    Reply
  95. Gaia from earth Posted on September 30, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    But like honestly Joan was probably like crazy…

    Reply
  96. Heather Phelos Posted on October 1, 2019 at 1:47 am

    Whos is Saint Catherine? She looks so familiar!!!

    Reply
  97. Joe Posted on October 1, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    most impressive thing about joan of arc to me, was completely skipped. The part where the English were interrogating her but they could never get her to break or screw up on her words. So they burned her for dressing up like a dude

    Reply
  98. Lydia Posted on October 2, 2019 at 12:15 am

    Too harsh to women and the breath was bad.

    Reply
  99. Alice Johnson Four Eyed Pig Posted on October 2, 2019 at 2:07 am

    They may as well cast a black girl to play Joan of Arc.

    Reply
  100. 067542 800097651 Posted on October 2, 2019 at 5:10 am

    War is bad. Mkay

    Reply
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